[Der Postillon is Germany’s best newspaper, the nation’s answer to The Onion in the US]
Retribution for violations of Syria in violation of international law: China bombs US, UK, and France
Washington, London, Paris (dpo) – Beijing cannot let this behavior go unpunished: Following the unlawful reprisals by the US, Britain and France against Syria, the Chinese military bombed several military targets in the US, Britain and France. There were several injuries in the three countries.
Chinese President Xi Jinping today justified the initially limited attack at a press conference: “Today’s precision bombing of radar stations, missile sites, and military airports in the three countries is all about showing that violent attacks on other states have consequences.”
Xi Jinping continued, “This should also discourage other countries from playing world police without a UN mandate and international accord.”
China’s foremost talking head exclaimed “Xi became president last night!”
On the question of whether the large-scale retaliatory action is contrary to international law, the Chinese government did not want to comment. “We have had to act to prevent this lawless behavior from repeating, and we are also prepared to continue that response until the three governments end international sanctions against other states.”
In total, Chinese warships fired more than 100 missiles. At the same time Chengdu J20 fighter jets penetrated into the respective airspaces and launched rockets that struck, for example, the British Royal Air Force military air base.
Chancellor Angela Merkel, who had previously ruled out German involvement in the bombing of the US, Britain, and France, praised China for its determined commitment.
However, the Peruvian government has meanwhile announced that it will now bomb selected military targets within China as a punishment for China’s unlawful punishment of the US, Britain, and France for the illegal punishing of Syria by the US, Britain and France for the alleged Syrian poison gas attack in Duma.