Fort Russ Feb 24th
PREFACE by Tatzhit
I translated three short stories that capture very well what
Russians think about Putin. To put them in context, I have included my
thoughts on the subject in the small “postscriptum” section below.
Read my ramblings, or draw your own conclusions.
The first story is written from a first-person perspective, and describes how Russia was before Putin, what he changed, and what people learned from it. Essentially, it explains why even profit-minded businessmen, suffering from economic
problems and unimpressed with Russia’s foreign policy, continue to
support the current government because of the hard lessons of the 90s.
The other two pieces are from a satirical author, one written about the time when Putin
took power, and the other about him later, as the “Tsar”. These two are quite over the top, but I think there is a big grain of truth in them as well – if not about the real Putin, then about the popular view of him.
#1: A Businessman’s Story
I remember Perestroika well. Marlboro cigs
for 1.50 appeared at our supermarket, and we smoked them
enthusiastically, sitting in the gazebo at the neighboring playground.
The taste of them was magical – far, far better than the Soviet “Kosmos”
for 0.70. The future as adults was no longer certain, but also seemed
magical through the smoke, like in an American movie.
It took me many years to realize why we thought that…
And then everybody was suddenly into politics. Intellectuals all started
hating on long-dead Stalin, the Communists refused to compromise,
popular newspapers constantly published this or that “historic
discovery”. When I returned from the army and saw people standing
in lines for some crap cigs from Bulgaria, which were rationed to boot,
I first found myself feeling [as a character in a bad comedy, and not
Hollywood movie]. But even then, I still did not understand.
That happened later – I stepped into adult life, and understood how politics works.
At one point, watching dumb mugs on TV struggle under the
weight of arrogance and inability to form coherent sentences became
unbearable. How can those “democrats” run the country, if they can’t
even organize their own thoughts? By the time Yeltsin’s tanks shelled
their Parliament, I already wasn’t interested – politics turned into a
murky sideshow which only occasionally had some effect in real life.
Meanwhile, real life went into full “rat race” mode, chasing money above
all, with brief breaks to celebrate small “victories”,
ridiculous by today’s standards.
Strolling across flea markets, filled
with brand-name clothes all of a sudden. Flashing across night-time
roads on my first “beamer”. Endless ruins moving past the train windows,
[the country’s factories and infrastructure – sold to murky investors
for pennies on the dollar, and immediately scrapped for a quick buck]
stretching all the way from Moscow to St. Pete.
It would be wrong to say that we weren’t [celebrating freedom]. After
all, freedom is when rules and restrictions disappear, right? There was
even a children’s book like this – “A holiday of Disobedience”, [about
children who were left to do as they please by their parents, and how
short-lived their euphoria was]. That’s exactly what happened – after
the official dismantling of the state, it slowly disappeared from
people’s heads. Nobody was left to establish order, and the rules were
set by those who have managed to steal something big, or bribe their way
into government positions.
The whole country played Cowboys and Indians. There was no law enforcement –
except those men in blue uniforms who existed solely to collect bribes
on highways, and pass almost all of their loot higher up the ladder.
Everyone lied and stole. Some guys were dodging the draft, some were
stealing from their jobs, nobody I knew paid any taxes.
Yes, a lot of it started back when USSR went off track. But in Soviet
times, people still obeyed most laws. They went to official jobs, had
apartments they legally owned, etc. Yes, even back then some people
bought stuff on the black market and could pay a bribe for a driver’s
license exam, but those who did that were a tiny minority. Slightly more
people nicked stuff from work, but in general they took something
insignificant. Most people could honestly think of themselves as good, upstanding
citizens. Plus the “real men” of the WWII generation were still around.
And then, in a few years, the whole country and all its inhabitants
became lawless and illegitimate. Getting a fake stamp in your Social
Security or visa paperwork became a common thing. You could pay off
anyone – the judge, the fire department, the EPA. Businesses completely
ignored the government and produced fake financial statements with
unbelievable numbers, which worked because the tax collectors knew
everything, and were overlooking it for a small sum. “Business raiders” – those who made
money by illegally taking over and looting businesses – were heroes on TV. Kids in kindergartens didn’t play Cops vs Robbers – just Robbers vs
And I was an integral part of this lawlessness. I fudged our accounting
books and didn’t think anything of it. I paid wages under the table and
casually handed out bribes when I needed to register our semi trucks or
buy off a tax inspector. I was kicking out contractors that used my
shops to sell their own goods. I smuggled in everything, without a
second thought – importing legally did not make sense, we would not be
able to compete. I even drove around a car that was imported illegally,
and simply bought it back for $100 each time it was impounded. I
laundered money via fictional companies, and created legal entities
using the identities of hobos from the street. Put forged stamps on
forged invoices. I moved cash by the trash bag, and even bought an
illegal handgun just in case. I was friends with the mafia guys who were
protecting my business, and tagged along when they had “matters to
discuss” with rivals.
Show this text to any businessman who worked in Russia in the 90s, and
he will confirm that this was “business as usual” for the period, even
fairly tame by that time’s standard. Politics did not concern men like
me at all – it only affected us if the dollar exchange rate jumped,
otherwise we only cared about cash and showing off, that’s it.
But often, during drunk arguments among ourselves, we inevitably ended
up talking about the [timeless Russian questions] “who is to blame and what can be done.” And we soon
understood that the end is [extremely freaking nigh], and there is no
way out. We were the illegal and illegitimate residents of a sinking
ship, and our actions were sinking it further. No one stood at the
steering wheel or accepted any responsibility for what was happening,
and no one showed any desire to do anything. Those who were smart looted
as much as they could, and fled abroad. The rest were facing the abyss.
I totally missed when we got a new president – I tuned out of politics
after the elections in ’96. All I remember was Yeltsin’s heart troubles,
and then immediately – “Kursk” sinking. By that time, my business
collapsed, so I had the time to watch the tragedy as it unfolded on TV –
especially closely, because I served around the same area.
And since I am a mind reader, I can tell you one secret – I know what
Putin thought when he was staring down into the sea from that warship.
Many remember that moment, but do not understand what was happening
there. And Putin was thinking exactly the same thing as I. That there is
no way out, and it’s not just one sub sinking – the whole country is
going down. And then he thought the same thing as my friends – that he
just needs to grab what he can, and run.
When Putin holds the next open Q&A session – someone ask him, he will confirm that’s God’ honest truth.
If you think I described the looming collapse to explain why I admire
Putin for saving the country – you are mistaken. Although, yes, he
really did save us all.
But my support of Putin comes from what happened after the 90s.
After some time, my friend and I reopened our business. Or rather, he reopened it, and I joined a bit later.
First, I asked him out of habit – which mafia group do we pay for protection? And he
says – none. If we have problems, we call the police. Wow, that was a
Next, we had to bring some stuff from China. We go to a familiar broker,
who used to connect us with smugglers – he tells us that smuggling and
forged documents are no longer in style. So we registered officially and
began to transport goods through customs, legally. Then we did an audit
and straightened out the accounting. Started paying salaries through
the bank, not in laundered cash. Leased a legally imported semi, then
After the endless tricks and trying to cheat the system in the 90s, working legally was unbelievably straightforward.
Not everything works well, of course, and still some things are done
under the table. Say, we need to win a government contract to stay in
business, and we need to bribe somebody to get it. Then we pay. And due
to the crisis, we had to re-start paying some of the salaries in
laundered cash, to stay afloat. But money laundering is becoming so
expensive, soon it would be cheaper to simply pay taxes.
Anyway, all of these things are merely exceptions that prove the rules exist. Yes, suddenly – it turned out that there are some rules to
doing business, after all. And there is someone who tries to make them
the same for everyone. And you can work within these rules, and consider
yourself an honest citizen.
I would say more – in fact, I used to break the rules mostly not because
it was necessary, but because I wanted to get rich quickly and live an
opulent life. But that mass hysteria – it gripped half the people in the
country. Those who stayed immune to it [got pushed to the bottom] – but
that immunity among the poorest people may be what saved us, in the
I am far from blindly attributing all of this to Putin. In fact, no one
knows exactly how and why these changes came about, and if they would
still happen if Yeltsin stuck around. A rigorous scientist would say
such questions can’t be answered without a controlled experiment, and
such experiments are not possible.
But it is quite clear to me that Putin himself had a choice – to “smash
and grab” like so many before him, or to take responsibility – and he
chose the latter, even though it seemed completely hopeless.
Therefore, when the “liberal opposition” started their litany of
accusations against Putin, I could not agree with them calling him a
thief and an enemy of the nation. If all he wanted was to steal and
destroy, nothing could be simpler. Simply sit back [and let liberals run
the country], like Yeltsin did.
And the reason I finally made up my mind and completely sided with Putin was… taxes.
They became kind of a diagnosis, a litmus test.
When Putin-haters rant to me that “Putin’s bunch are criminals and
thieves”, and I ask – do YOU or your business pay taxes – and they always
respond with sincere indignation.
They say things like “Why should I pay, when they can not make an online
registration system, and I have to stand in a huge line to get a land
ownership certificate? Why should I pay if the bureaucrats steal most of
it? Why should I pay, if they can’t repair the road to my summer house,
and I have to kill the suspension on my car? And why should I pay these
bastards, if they would use the money to further oppress the Russian
No one, not a single one of government-haters I know, pays even half of
what they should. How can the government pay for a new registration
system, for the anti-corruption task force, or for fixing the roads, if
no one gives them any money? … But they can’t even comprehend that question.
One Putin-hater I know hasn’t found an honest job in 20 years, because
he can only BS people and take a cut of someone else’s profits. So he
hangs around people who are doing business, and tries to act as an extra
step in the supply chain via knowing “who to grease.” Naturally, he
hasn’t paid any taxes whatsoever since the fall of USSR – although he
sure carried a lot of bribes from one part of the chain to the other.
Who do you think was the first among in my social networks to re-post
Navalny’s movie accusing Prosecutor General of corruption? Yep, him.
He even added some scathing political commentary.
And I had to explain to another one of my buddies, who spent his entire
adult life working as an unregistered construction contractor, that his
daughter’s tuition at school and college did not come out of some
abstract “state budget”, but out of my pocket specifically. Because my
business pays taxes, and his does not. Do you think he stopped hating on
the government after that? Of course not – now he simply hates me along
with Putin. And I understand why – people like that need to shift blame
elsewhere, in order to justify leeching off of the rest of us.
Check among the people you know, if you like. To me, the nature of this
conflict is clear. Those who seek to play by the rules – those support
the state and Putin. In nothing else, because any rules are better than
no rules. And those who prefer to cheat the system – they are against
the government. And to hide why they do it, they switch the cause of
their actions. 
First, they do not pay taxes and such – simply out of greed, like me in
the ’90s. And only then they start hating the state, as a justification.
But they always tell you the opposite, that they don’t pay out of
If “Putin’s trolls” really do exist, I gift this text to their bosses.
Use it however you like, and the money you save on writers can be given
to the regular trolls as a bonus . Let it be a small atonement for
the damage I caused to our motherland back in the 90s.
[for reference, here is Putin shortly
after taking office. The video isn’t translated, but you can see he
isn’t quite the confident “Tsar” we see these days]
#2: “LONELY PRINCE” [satire, 2005]
One day Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ Putin was
speaking to his people. He stood in a suit against a brown wall. Beside
him was a Russian flag. A red light is came on on the camera. Vladimir
Vladimirovich ™ sighed.
– It is difficult and painful to talk – he began his speech – Our land
just had a terrible tragedy. In the past few days, each of us felt with
all his heart the events that happened in the Russian town of Beslan.
There we faced not simple murderers, but those who slaughtered
defenseless kids. And now I’m sending my words of support and empathy to
those who have lost the most precious thing in life. Lost their
children, their relatives and friends. I ask everyone that you remember those who perished at the hands of terrorists in recent days.
Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ fell silent.
– In the history of Russia there were many tragic and difficult events –
he continued after a pause, – We live in the aftermath of a collapse of
a huge, great state. A state that was not viable in a rapidly changing
But, despite all the difficulties, we managed to keep the core of this
giant together. And we called this new country – Russian Federation.
We all expected changes. Changes for the better. But we were totally
unprepared for many of them. Why? I … I do not know. I’m doing
everything right, you know, working with documents, meeting with foreign
heads of state, giving out money for defense… changing corrupt
ministers one after another. And it’s all the same – the money gets
stolen, the police take bribes, foreign countries don’t respect us…
I’m told we should, like, strengthen our borders. That it is necessary
to allocate money and buy new equipment. Tell me, what do I do? If I do
not allocate money – you will say that I’m not doing anything. And if I
do – they will pile on it like rats on a garbage bin, steal it all, and
no border would get built anyway. There are lines by the police stations
and courts – waiting for me to fire all the corrupt officials, to
immediately take their place and demand, demand, demand even more
Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ paused and lowered his eyes.
– Of course, I can now say that it’s all because of international
terrorism that wants to destroy Russia. – He said, a little hesitantly, –
Well, if I say that, what changes? You still won’t fight. You do not
send your sons to the army, because there is hazing. But hazing is also
done by your sons, why aren’t you screaming about that? Huh?
Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ stared at the camera.
– You’re all waiting for me to protect you , – Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ said firmly.
– There are hundred and fifty million of you, and one of me. How do I
protect you if you are only drinking vodka and watching football? You
have chosen me, put me in a golden cage, and now you’re looking – can he
get out of this situation? He can’t? Well he’s a bad president then!
Why did you vote for me if I’m so bad?
Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ wiped his presidential nose.
– I have nothing to protect you with – he said – You yourselves have
destroyed everything I could use. I do not have governors, just thieves
and anti-Semites. I have no army, because no one wants to serve. I have
no weapons, because the generals sold them to build their mansions.
I have nothing, and it was all stolen long before I became president. I
can’t even put all thieves and corrupt politicians to jail, because
when I try to do it – you start yelling: hands off our oligarchs, hands
off our governors! And you yourselves steal from your jobs, don’t pay
taxes, and only demand, demand, demand. Benefits, pensions, cheap vodka,
cheap beer, cheap gas …
Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ paused and touched the national flag hanging next to him. Then he looked into the camera.
– Yes, we are at war – he said, – Yes, if we want to end this war, we
can only do it together. I am the same as you. And just like you, I
don’t know what to do. And just like you, I know that the police take
bribes, that politicians are only trying to get rich, that the army is
used as free construction workers, that oligarchs steal oil and do not
pay taxes, that the feds in Chechnya rob people, that everything is
rotten and falling apart. This is not the fault of some special people,
people. This is you. All of you. All around me. And I’m the same as you.
Do you not understand?
Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ raised his left eyebrow.
– Guys, do you not understand – he said quietly into the camera – that WE have declared this war upon ourselves?
[As an aside – of course, the story above is applicable to every head of
state ever. It is easy to attribute everything that happens to the will
of the big man on TV, but in reality, individual officials have far less
power than people think – ed.]
#3 – “TSAR” [satire]
One day, Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ Putin was eating roasted squab
pigeons with the CEO of “Russia State Railways, Inc”, Vladimir Ivanovich
– Hey, man – Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ asked, – is it true that you have a separate storage building for all your fur coats?
– Yes, – Yakunin nodded – and an Olympic pool, heated. And my own railroad running between them.
– Wow, – mumbled Vladimir Vladimirovich ™, – even I don’t have anything like that …
– You are not living like you should, dude, – Yakunin smiled, –
take life by the horns, eh?! Enjoy everything! Today – squab
pigeons. Tomorrow – wild grouse… Tiger hunting, too…
– But I have Dima [Medvedev] – Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ said
quietly, and pulled out his presidential cell phone, with a golden
double-headed eagle instead of a keyboard.
– Dima, – said Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ into the phone, staring Vladimir Ivanovich straight in the eyes – Fire Yakunin, ok? ….
Yakunin’s face twisted in panic.
– Bro! … – He threw himself at the feet of Vladimir Vladimirovich
™, still holding a half-picked pigeon carcass in his right hand – bro,
why so suddenly! .. I was just kidding! .. Well, like, I’ll give you all
my fur coats – do you want that?! ..
– Success can be brief, right? – Vladimir Vladimirovich™ smiled slightly.
– Bro! .. – Yakunin screamed, – I’m a good manager! The trains run
on time, yes? They do! .. Everything is in order! Why are you doing
Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ sighed.
– Dima, – said Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ into the phone – don’t fire
Yakunin … already fired? You’re quick… Well, take it back then …
What do you mean – how? Remember when Bublikov died – and then didn’t
die, right? Like that… Come on, who cares about your reputation! …
Much too late for that one …
Vladimir Vladimirovich ™ hung up.
Yakunin sobbed at the feet of Vladimir Vladimirovich ™, still holding the carcass.
– Some days you are the pigeon – quietly said Vladimir Vladimirovich ™, – And some days you are the statue…
P.S. BY TATZHIT
(the views presented herein only represent the author, and not any other Fort Russ contributors or editors)
Most Westerners see Putin only as a shirtless man riding a bear, who
somehow popped into existence one day to replace a dying alcoholic
Yeltsin. Although Western media keep claiming his government is corrupt, oppressive
and inefficient, he also manages to have approval ratings roughly
double that of any Western leader, and re-build Russia both domestically
and on the international stage. What gives?
Bear with me (hur hur pun) for three small paragraphs:
In my article about types of government, I argue that there are basically three levels to it:
– Chaos, when individual power groups rip the country apart,
– Monarchy/dictatorship, when the country is united by a small but unresponsive elite,
– A republican or collectivist government, when the ruling group expands
via limits to the elite’s power and a “representative government” in
one form or the other.
History knows almost no examples when a country impoverished by chaos
could establish representative government without first having an
extended period of “monarchy”.
This is because, during “chaos” or early “monarchy”, the elite only
consists of a few overlords who are actively against limiting themselves
via representative government.
In fact, any attempt to establish a representative government in an unstable society usually ends in chaos and civil war (most recent example being Iraq under al-Maliki).
However, as “monarchy” brings stability and economic growth, the
population gets richer and more powerful, and eventually has the power
to demand representation.
… Russia isn’t up to that last step yet, not by a long shot.
But Putin is the man who brought order from chaos, Russians genuinely love him for it, and they’d be insane not to.
Yeah, you hear a lot about “Russian opposition” on outlets such as Radio
Free Europe (AKA “Voice of Langley”), but that’s roughly comparable to
North Koreans complaining that communists are being oppressed in the
USA. By now, pro-Western neoliberals went from masters of the country to
being despised by 95% of the population (mere 65,000 supporters voted in
the election for United Opposition Council ) .
WHAT THIS MEANS
So, Putin did some positive things in the past; does this mean Putin’s government is a good thing for Russia going forward?
How would I know? Ask somebody else – I’m not an economist.
Actually, don’t ask an economist, either – the Russian ones ruined USSR,
and the Western ones orchestrated the post-USSR implosion of Russia.
I am a translator who can tell you what people think right now, what’s
happening; an amateur historian who can tell you what people used to
think and what happened back in the day. As for how to use this improved
understanding – that I leave up to you.
 Young guys who grew up in the 90s saw TV praise people like Mavrodi –
the guy who ran an enormous pyramid scheme, defrauded an estimated
10-15 million ordinary Russians, married a supermodel and evaded
justice, hiding in Moscow until 2003.
Young guys growing up today see TV praise people like the two Donbass
militiamen who, at a critical moment during the Slavyansk siege, kept
firing their 1930s anti-tank rifles point-blank at 1980s model tanks –
and died in their foxhole, but stopped the attack.
 Navalny, probably the most famous Russian opposition activist,
recently published a movie that shows that the son of Chaika, the
Prosecutor General of Russia, has some very expensive real estate
registered under his name.
There are two ironic footnotes to be made here.
First, Navalny himself was convicted of corruption – as detailed above,
being a businessman in Russia wasn’t a clean job, but it does rather hint
at “pot calling the kettle black”.
Second, the reason Navalny even found out about Chaika’s son’s
properties is that the documents are clear and publicly available – so
this whole matter is a consequence of the previously untouchable elite
starting to obey the rules.
 This childish belief in “getting something from nothing” is, of course, not limited to Russian liberals. The old adage “we just have to
keep chanting the slogans of RFE/Marx/Mohammed and throwing bricks at
the cops, and we will become prosperous” resurfaces anywhere where
people think they are owed a better life, and is at the core of every
revolution – liberal, communist, religious, etc. Ironically, the
activists at the core of Russian opposition, Ukrainian Maidan coup, or “progressive” social protests in Arab countries, have a lot more in
common with their supposed arch-enemies (the Communists / the islamic
extremists, respectively) than with the supporters of the legitimate
 No comment :).
Just kidding, I would be seriously surprised if Russia doesn’t run some
sort of PR actions online, but I would doubt it is as dumb as
commonly described in newspaper articles (publishing a couple dozen
third-rate Russian-language blogs on the same LJ platform, out of a
single building in St. Pete).
Anyone I collaborated with appears to be doing translations/reporting on their own time.
 There are about
~110 million voters in Russia. If we divide that by 65,000 “Opposition council” supporters, this means all opposition parties – combined – draw slightly over one in 2 thousand eligible voters. To put it in perspective, it means
there are probably less than 500 voters who would support an
opposition candidate in an average-sized city of a million people.
Which also explains why liberals haven’t won any elections at any level
in quite a while.
(Of course, there are plenty of people who are not involved in politics,
yet still support opposition and/or dislike the government, but
virtually any survey shows them to be a tiny minority.)