What Did Joe Biden Really Say To The Ukrainians?

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16, 2015


Translated for Fort Russ by Soviet Bear

As the man
who grew up in Russian political culture for which foreign sovereignty is the
highest absolute value it is almost impossible to understand the reaction of
Ukrainians to the visits of senior American officials. I don’t understand, how you
can not notice in public places where these officials sit the yellow-blue flags
get replaced by stars and stripes, when they announce the letter to the local
legislative Assembly. In our eyes it doesn’t look like the visit of the Vice
President of the United States to the independent Republic, and as the visit of
the Viceroy of British India in one of the Indian states.

Again, a
man of Russian political culture sees all this as exclusively signs of
humiliation and does not understand to what extent it was possible to devalue
your national dignity to bear such humiliations with great pleasure. And yet
I’ll try to explain.

Biden will come, Biden will judge us

example, imagine that you are an orphan. That you are a kind and hardworking
girl with ash smeared face. And you have, for example, the stepmother.  Yes, the wicked stepmother, which has  her own daughter.  Even two daughters – one is skinny and feisty,
and the other one is cheeky and fat. Imagined?

Now imagine
that you have a godmother. And she is not just a godmother, but godmother the
fairy. Oh, this fairy also has a husband – a powerful magician and sorcerer.
The Deputy of Gandalf himself. No, sorry, not Gandalf, it’s not a Republican
administration. I keep forgetting. Dumbledore. The husband of your godmother
fairy is the Deputy of Dumbledore. Imagined? Well and now tell me please, what
are your feelings as you see their occasional visits?

There is a
famous phrase that the victory has many fathers, while defeat is an orphan. So
this is the orphan with ash smeared face is the Ukrainian society.  This is always a loser. You think this society
doesn’t know that worthless and corrupt government was put in place to control
them? Of course they know, and know in detail, much better than you know.
Ukrainian society sees this government as a stepmother, who with her corrupt
daughters aka branches of government robs and hurts Ukraine. Ratings of
confidence in the current Ukrainian government are the lowest in the entire
history of observations. Joe Biden and Victoria Nuland who arrived to Kiev are
the godparents of the Ukrainian national revolution of February 2014. So how do
children of the revolution who define today’s Ukrainian public opinion should
perceive the arrival of these people? They expected Biden to magically transform
the attorney General into coachman in glittering livery, and rabbit Prime
Minister- into grey stallion, who will fly the pumpkin of Ukrainian statehood
to a fabulous ball of European integration.

Chicken Kiev 2.0

The people,
relieved from this eternal Ukrainian orphanage complex should  remember that the speech of high-ranking
Americans from the rostrum of the Verkhovna Rada is not and will not always
reflect the mood of the natives. A classic case is the speech delivered from
the rostrum by the George H. W. Bush and it was named the “chicken

Many of us
believe that by the diabolical instigation of Brzezinski and in strict accordance
with the “Dulles plan” (which, as we know, does not exist, but it
works) the Americans only wanted to tear Ukraine away from Russia.

On  August 1,  1991, i.e. two weeks before the “putsch”,
the US President from the rostrum of  the
Verkhovna Rada of the Ukrainian SSR warned members against “suicidal
nationalism” and persuaded to sign a new Union Treaty, which “gives
hope that the Republic would rather combine greater autonomy with greater voluntary
interaction – political, social, cultural, economic, than to pursue a hopeless
course of isolation” (holds forth the hope that republics will combine
greater autonomy with greater voluntary interaction — political, social,
cultural, economic rather than pursuing the hopeless course of
isolation)”. The speech was welcomed with loud and prolonged applause,
though, and  caused resentment among some

similar happened in Kiev this time. After saying a lot of compliments and
taking the standing ovation, Vice-President of the USA said something that
«suicidal nationalists” did not like.  And they didn’t like it so much, that most of
them didn’t hear the keyword. And since they didn’t hear keywords many were
quick to say that they didn’t sound.

So did Joe
Biden talk about the United States of Ukraine?

Ukrainian Egyptology

Now we will
play some Egyptologists and imagine that the famous Rosetta stone is in front
of us with the inscription of the same contents, made in three different kinds
of writing, and we are Jean-Francois Champollion, who with its help has learned
to read the hieroglyphs.

So, Joseph  Robinet Biden, Jr. has the right to speak:

“Constitutional reform that includes
judicial reform and decentralization does not compromise your sovereignty, it
enhances it. It’s an important step to building a strong new nation. It is
important for Ukrainian European future
(here Biden turns away from the room and the following
sentence is addressed to someone in the government box). This issue of federalism is a thing that almost prevented our nation
from coming into being. (Biden turns again to the audience, making
meaningful theatrical pause, looks around the audience’s gaze and begins to
dictate) Autonomous independent states,
the parties to have their own police forces, their determination to have their
own education system, to have their own government under a united

But what
the Ukrainians heard in the translation:

reform, including reform of the judicial system and decentralization that
involves the use of the best European edit – not an abandonment of democratic
principles, not an erosion of sovereignty. It is very important for Ukraine’s
future in Europe, uh, very important. This also happened in our country, and
almost… (Sigh, mumbling, pause, the Director of the broadcast switches the
camera from Biden to the government box)… similar situation. It is important
to have the Autonomous independent States, have their own forces that determine
its own educational system, the government in the framework of the United

It is not
necessary to know Ukrainian demotic script, to understand what the word
“federalism” is not present at all.

I think the
professional translator who understood 
what  Biden said, was just
horrified by the use of the forbidden in Ukraine word and decided to pretend
that she had forgotten the English language. The poor woman was probably shot
by Praviy Sektor. Just kidding.

finally, my own translation of the words of the Vice President of the United
States, said from the rostrum of the Verkhovna Rada:

reform, including reform of the judicial system and decentralization, does not
threaten your sovereignty, it amplifies it. This is an important step in
building a new strong nation. It is important for the European future of
Ukraine. The issue of federalism is the fact that almost prevented our state
from being born. Autonomous independent States that determine their own police
force, its own education system, own government under a single

As they
say, feel the difference.

The federalist papers

The last
straw for which the Ukrainians grabbed was an assumption that Biden does not
offer anything of the sort to Ukraine, and just decided to share them with a
wider audience the little-known details of the governmental structure of the United
States. Those who claim it are missing two things.

First, only
retired politicians travel the world with educational lectures. The words of current
Vice President of the United States are mandatory for execution, regardless of
the degree of politeness of the form in which they were said. And second, and
most important thing. Historical context, ignorance of which does not allow to
understand Biden’s words.

The American
politician sends the audience to the dramatic date of the adoption of the U.S.
Constitution, ratified by the legislative Assembly of each of the then existing
States. The Constitution envisaged the creation of a Union, a Federation of
individual States, which in this case would maintain their autonomy.

There were
opponents to this approach who feared the appearance of a single center,
limiting the freedom of the provinces. Especially a lot of skeptics were in the
state of New York. If this view had succeeded, then America as we know it today
really would never be born.

And then
Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay, together under the pseudonym
Publius, from October 1787 to August 1788, published 85 articles in defense of
the new federalist  Constitution. In 1788
they were unified in the book called “The Federalist”, or else
“the federalist papers”, which became the Bible of the political
philosophy of the United States.

American schoolchild and every local redneck Gavrilyuk know this story. And
they all, of course, convinced that every Ukrainian legislator knows it. It is
in this and not in the description of Autonomous States is the essence of the
American experience, which Joe Biden presented as an example.

Of course,
in the USA it was about the more centralized Federation in comparison with the
Confederation, and in the Ukraine we are talking about the opposite process.
But and there and there “the issue of federalism” in the end provoked
a civil war.

The Minsk process

Here you
need to explain what actually the administration of the Nobel peacemaker Obama wants
from the Ukraine. A word about the aggression of Moscow, about the residents of
Donbass who” dream” to return to the Ukraine, that Crimea never, never, never
will be recognized as part of Russia which the audience so enthusiastically
absorbed actually did not carry anything new, nor principled.

But the Minsk
agreement? Each of the parties to the conflict around them is playing the game
“who will perform slower”. Quickly to comply with them is impossible
– their conditions really are not interested neither in Ukraine, nor the
Donbass. But not to fulfill the Minsk agreements is also impossible, for it
tied the repeal or extension of the sanctions. Each party makes a step, and
immediately begins to accuse his opponents of violations, then made another
step, and repeats it all over again.

fairy’s husband artistically throws in magic formulas that should hypnotize the
MPs: “this is what Putin fears the most!”, “this will help your
European future!”. “This” – this is indicated in the Minsk
agreements and constitutional reform with real decentralization.

And that’s the
thing around which the Ukrainian society has come to a concrete consensus – to
surrender sovereignty, to lose to Putin, treachery and shame. And any politician,
who would do that, commits political suicide (which in Ukraine is often
followed by physical suicide). So, they’re going to do this it all together,
without exceptions and exemptions.

Biden says no new Prime Minister, no re-elections of the Parliament or the
President. He understands that at such election who will vote for the amendment
of the Constitution, be fixed as “zradnik”( a traitor), and the one who will
abstain from voting, will automatically become “peremozhets”  (a victor).

Last time,
in order for to do a small step in this direction, it took the personal
presence of Victoria Nuland in the Rada, who, if anyone knows, is not only the
fairy with biscuits, but also a Deputy  Secretary
of State. Now to move on the constitutional reform, they needed to roll in the
heavy artillery – the Vice-President.

Next are
Barack Obama and Supreme Synod of reptiles.

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