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    July 23, 2015

    Russia's Week in Humor for July 23, 2015

    July 23, 2015

    Russia's Week in Humor for July 23, 2015

    Translated from Russian by J.Hawk

     "I will never permit my country to turn into Ukraine"
    --President of Zimbabwe Robert Mugabe
     Western observers of the OSCE
     Polish Foreign Minister in history class
     Merkel: "I had a dream I was the President of Earth!"
    Obama: "And I had a dream that I was the President of the Universe!"
    Putin: "And I had a dream that I didn't appoint either of you..."
     "Obama's nightmare"
     "Whoever comes to us with a sword
    is, frankly, a moron."
     If you wanna look cool, stick your arm out of the window.
     Russia's FSB is monitoring Klichko's conversations. Just for laughs.
     Putin: "Such a little fish...I'm gonna release back into the water."
    Fish: "But what about the three wishes?"
    Putin: "OK, what do you want?"
     Ukraine's new national symbol
     "Ukraine's postal service released a stamp bearing Poroshenko's face. But it turned out it's not sticking to the letters--people are spitting on the wrong side!"
     Chelyabinsk brain teasers are also hardcore...
     Sign on the door: "Do not enter. Danger to life"
    "Hey, you stupid or something?"
     Briefly about Nuland's visit to the Maidan in 2014

     Toyota: Drive a Dream
    Honda: Drive Reality
    Nissan: Exceeding Expectations
    Ford: Feel the Difference
    Kia: The Art of Surprise
    Mitsubishi: A Change for the Better
    Infiniti: Rebellious Passion
    Land Rover: Elevate
    VAZ: Don't complain, we'll get there.
     Minions are Ukrainians
    1. Very gullible
    2. Blue and yellow
    3. Help all manner of evildoers (especially from the US)
    4. Whatever they do, it has the opposite effect.
    5. They speak an emotional language which constantly changes so that nobody understands it, not even themselves.
     "If need be, we'll enter the EU.
    All the way to the Netherlands!"
     Nothing can stop the Russians.
    Party means party.
     "If somebody doesn't like the idea of restoring USSR, we'll settle for the 1870 borders."
     "It's merrier with Mr. Putin!
    World order and twice as fast!"
     "Breaking news! Video proof! Russian battle cats are joining Novorossia Army!"
     "Maybe it's time to reduce the sanctions on Russia?"
     "Petya, I'm retiring."
     Find 10 differences
    Ukraine--Right Sector--Mukachevo
     Hello. What did you write about Putin?
     "That feeling with Right Sector Nazis have declared themselves a national liberation movement and called for a referendum"
     "Ukraine is closely copying the Russian 1990s:
    --Fights in the parliament
    --Oligarchs in key posts
    --Love for the US
    And it will end with a New Year's "I'm tired, I'm leaving", and the appointment of Putin

     Selected facts about Russia according to foreigners
     A meeting of Normandy Four:
    --Guten Tag!
    --Give us money, please!
     Soon in Mukachevo
     We're not Gazprom, but we can also deliver warmth to NATO homes
     If one is to die, one should die with music
    [A pun on the Right Sector leader Muzychka, killed in Transcarpathia in 2014]
     "Hypothetically speaking, if Ukrainian media were to suddenly tell the truth, 85% of the population would go insa,ne, 5% would shoot themselves, but the rest would be OK."
     Cigarette lighter faces when they learned they are Ukraine's only source of gas.

    European Tank Tours
    We provide the diesel, you provide the impressions
    Departing as soon as battalions is formed
    Crisis-era discounts!

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    Item Reviewed: Russia's Week in Humor for July 23, 2015 Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Michael Jasinski
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